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Ok that’s not quite what she said.

But Rowan has become obsessed with the fact that she’s Big.

Big with a capital I’ll do what I want when I want to cos you’re not in charge of me, Beee-atch! as she sashays out of the room.

*blink*

So - my daughter has bought her pre-school admission tickets for Sassys R Us and she’s using them!

She told BN that she didn’t want a nap because ‘I’m Big. I’m this tall (with actions) all the way up to the top of my head.’

Which is not sassy, it’s quite cute. In fact, that doesn’t quite do justice to the amount of sassiness we’ve been getting. So I don’t really know why I said that other than it was relevant to the whole nap time thing.. and the being Big thing.

Oh yeah .. It was relevant.

Ahem.

I parent in the Socratic way. I think. Anyway it’s the way when you ask them a question right back if they ask you something you think they know the answer to. It’s really fucking clever for us, really fucking annoying for them. But it works.

Kind of. Well it almost works. I’m told.

They ask ‘why do I have to eat my tea?’ You say - ‘Well my little angel darling sweetheart, why do you think you need to eat your tea?’

They say - because I need food, or because I’m hungry, or because of whatever reason you’ve told them before and they realise they have answered their own question.

Why do you think you need to tidy your room? or Why do you think you need to go for a wee? or my one of my personal favourites, Why do you think I don’t want you to spin till your dizzy at the top of the stairs?

After a while they apparently do start to get the hang of thinking before they ask something stupid. We haven’t actually got to that stage yet but we live in hope. ‘Cos we have been told that at some point that does happen. Whatever.

Rowan however, has only got to the point where she thinks she knows better than everyone about everything.

Every.One.

If you ask her to do something she needs to know why. If you ask her to eat something she needs to know why. If you ask her to do any fucking thing, she wants to know why? And if she doesn’t want to know why she spouts some of my parental wisdom back at me.

Like - why do you think I should eat my tea, mummy?

Sometimes, I really wanna say.. Fortheloveofgodchildshutthefuckupandjustdowhatyourefuckingtoldalready. But you know? I don’t. Because then she’d only say it back to me next week.

So.

Third night of the dry nights training last night then.

Unlike night two, Rowan did not come in crying that she’d wet the bed. I woke at 7am to hear them playing and (knowing they’re shattered) I went in and told them to get back into bed and get more rest.

Seriously - they listen to me too and rightly so! They slept till 8 after that!

Anyway - Rowan said she couldn’t get back into bed because it had wee in it. I asked her why she hadn’t come in to tell me? You can always come and tell me - you won’t get in trouble etc. etc.

I didn’t need to come and tell you because it was nice and warm and comfy!

I thought they were supposed to hate being wet and uncomfortable!?!

Help please!

Looks like I’m a geek - but then maybe I already knew that… I love this!

It’s not going to be an interesting competition giving away Ipods or anything like that because - quite frankly - I like my Ipod and if you think you’re getting it you can BOB!

But.. I do need your assistance my little Donuts.

I require a new tagline for my blog and a new paragraph to describe me because quite honestly, mine are shit.

I feel that they inhibit me somewhat - and here’s the why..

I am actually quite a loony. I have total toilet humour and I love to laugh at people when they fall over. If you think you’ll find me whiling away Saturday nights reading Little House on the Prairie and watching repeats of The Waltons you’d be wrong! Far more likely to find me having farting contests with my husband & watching Rude Tube - yes Redhead, the winner totally sucked! And yes, the sprouts are still making an appearance in the windy city that is my side of the sofa/bed/whichever room I happen to be in at the time.

My lounge smells like a dog lives here.

I’m not proud.

Sort of.

So.. I swear like a trooper, although of course not around the Crazies cos that would be wrong. I love the F word and especially the C word and if I’m being really naughty I see if I can slip them into every day sentences without anyone noticing

My husband and I discuss the rankness of the bathroom after we’ve been to do a huge poo read a book and we laugh! I KNOW! The shock and awfulness of people that find poo funny!!

I do love my Crazies obviously, that part is right and I do want to use this space as a chance to record memories of things they’ve done. I do work hard and all that shit but there’s more to me than that and I feel that my tagline and description is not quite… well descriptive enough… perhaps it’s curbing my creative wanderings if I think people are here for a mummy blog… cos I want to be a little bit more than that sometimes.

Am I just too cool for a tagline? Hmmmm..

SO!

DONUTS!

What should I do I thought to myself? WTF should I do? Because there’s no way that my pathetic sense of the humorous is quick enough or witty enough to come up with something that will please me.

I should ask those little donuts to come up with something! I thought … something witty, brave, jocular and maybe a little facetious and tongue in cheek. Something with a little bit of sparkle … something entertaining that really encompasses everything I’m trying to warn the reader (yes only one of them) about.

So - what sums up a potty mouthed, overweight, constantly dieting mother of two that gets no sleep and is never satisfied?… and please don’t skimp on the cheek & sparkle because I? Expect Cheek & sparkle and LOTS of it!

The winner will win something… maybe.

Does anyone fancy donating a prize or is that just too rude? I’m hoping that like Apple read my blog or something and will donate a new MacBook to the winner. In which case? I win.

On your marks, get set… go!

Anyone?

We at the Nut Tree, think your mantle can say a lot about you..

Subconsciously I think we all put the things on there that are important to us… well why wouldn’t we? We see it every day after all.

So this is my mantle piece as of this evening. It has a little piece of everything that is important to me.

It has my girls.. there are six photos of my children on here. One recentish one of Rowan, one of her as a baby, one of Ella that’s recentish and one of both of them at the wedding being all bridesmaidy and gorgeous. Look at the gorgeousness…

It has my husband. A picture from our wedding in August. This is one from the cutting of the cake and we’re looking adoringly into each other’s eyes…. awwwwww….

It has little trinkets from Egypt, you can’t see them but there are two little sculptures that we brought back for Ella and Rowan, and the green vase was also from Egypt. BN chose that in a little shop we went to with this FAB guy who really knew that the best way to make a sale wasn’t to follow us round with only a one metre breathing space. He didn’t - and  it worked… we bought loads!

It has Pinch Pot… my fabulous friend made by my fabulous friend Burps Liberty. Each one is unique and made to order. Pay her a visit and then buy one …. you won’t be sorry…

It has festiveness! I love Christmas! That’s our Chrissy cards, our streamers from New Year and our baubles hanging from the shelf. Our family baubles…. We each have our own!

The large silver photo frames are from my very good friend Sam. They were a wedding present.. in addition to the Egyptian Pounds she gave us. We love them… and they finally prompted me (yesterday) to put up some wedding photos. They are so important to me and I love finally having them up. I keep catching myself looking at them. I must get more up now.

The last thing that I simply couldn’t live without, is my morning cuppa.

Yes.

Yes, it’s still there from this morning. Cold and empty and with dried on coffee. Yum!

So, what’s on your mantle? Take a picture and let me know if you’ve done it!

I took all advice gratefully and we pondered and considered and decided that last night was the right time to start the no pull ups process.

Rowan has been relatively keen to try pull up free sleep for a while but had been chickening out at the last minute and asking for them - I have to be honest as well, we hadn’t been pushing her. Mostly because I couldn’t quite get the enthusiasm for constant getting up in the night. I don’t work well with interrupted sleep. I can just about cope with newborn babies because they can’t help it and I do understand that they need, like, food and stuff… but voluntary night waking?

Not so much.

But.. Rowan really grasped the whole New Year concept and was shouting Happy New Year to everyone for the last couple of days and BN & I explained to her that 2009 was starting and it was the end of 2008. I decided to add into the mix that this meant she wasn’t supposed to be wearing pull ups at night any more and she totally went with it and was very excited. She was all leaping around and squealing with the grownupness!

I had purchased some dry night mats last week and we administered said mats to bed last night and Rowan went for seventeenty wees before bed and once in bed and for quite a while after bed whilst talking to Ella, visiting Ella’s bedside to see if she was asleep yet shake her awake and generally being far too much of awake.

But - in the end she did fall asleep and the trauma for me began. It was never far from my thoughts for the entire evening and eventually at 10.30 I went to lift her.

No wee.

So - being the obsessive parent that I am who is more concerned with the changing of wet sheets in the middle of the night than they are about their child’s sleep, I lifted her again at 11.30.

Each time - hoping to goodness that I didn’t put my hand in a wet bed, wet with WEE! Bleurgh!

11.30. No wee.

What is it with this child?!?! No wee?? Can this be normal??

So - I gave up and prepared myself for the fact that we would be changing sheets and bedclothes at 2am and there was pretty much nothing I could do about it.

Rowan was so distressed about being woken up at 11.30 that she shouted ‘NO  NO NO!!’ at me when I took her from bed. She had a strop on the toilet and when I pulled up her nightie to see if she was weeing, she stropped it back down again and thrust her arms folded across her chest.

I don’t care who you are but you ain’t watching me NOT wee.

Hurrumph.

So - I told my brain to wake up at 3. Eventually got to sleep about 12.30 and lo and behold but my clever brain did wake me at 3.04!

I leapt from my warm, cozy, squishy, comfy bed and went to her room and once more, wrenched her from her warm, cozy, squishy, comfy bed and took her to the toilet.

She was so stroppy and I could see that she was trying. This is it, I thought. I am destined to be changing weed on sheets for the next 5 years.

Then wee!!!

WEEEE!!

Her little face

She was so pleased. Even in her sleep fog, she was so pleased. She glowed and glowed, I told her lots of well dones and took her back to bed.

We can get a good run at it for the next couple of days. I am at work this afternoon but I don’t have to get up tomorrow or Sunday so three in the am doesn’t sound too bad when you know you don’t have to get up the next day. Then next week, I shall just have to persevere. I’ve been to work before on less than 8 hours and I’m sure I can cope for a while.

So! A dry first night. She’s so excited about it and I’m going to do a little star chart for her this afternoon at work so she can get a little motivation from that.

So - one question… how long does this take, donuts?

Had a great time last night!

We couldn’t go out because of the girls obviously (without getting a babysitter) but to be honest I’m really not that arsed about going out and trying to have a good time in the freezing cold waiting for midnight and then trying to get home as quickly and cheaply as possible!

Grumpy?

Me?

Nope!

Much.

Anyway - we decided to stay in alone ages ago as I have to be at work on Friday and actually we normally spend New Years at my folks house anyway. I can’t remember the last time I went out for New Year. Although maybe that’s the sign of a good NYE come to think of it…! It has to be said it felt pretty weird and un-new yeary for a bit, being at *home* home.

BUT!

We decorated the front room, the girls fought over balloons and we made the house a little more festive!

(Only on this window in fact - but then I did say a *little* festive)

What else did we do? UMMMMM! We bought some party food at Marks (I’m not posh but it’s the only supermarket in Lincoln centre and to be fair, their party food is pretty fucking good!)

AND and and!! - they had this deal on call Partying or something where you buy 3 party food dishes and you get a bottle of fizz all for a tenner… I mean really - you can’t complain… well … you could..

but anyway…..

UM! We got some prawny Chinesey things, some Indian kebabby things, mini sausages, duck wraps, some cheese and crackers and pate… and we were off!!!

My good friend S came to spend the evening with us ‘cos she’s sad and has no mates and drew the short straw to spend NYE with the parents of two young children!

Not reeeeeaally… S recently split with her fella and after deliberating spending the evening with their normal crowd where Mr X would be, S decided that she would rather not see in the new year with her ex boyfriend.

A totally sensible choice I think! Plus - we had a riot!

Or *I* did at least!

S brought some pickled cocktail beetrooty things and some Gu puddings and some Tiffin and chocolatey caramel square things - we ate mince pies and drank Baileys & fizz and basically over the last 10 days I have put on a lb for every single 24 hours that has passed

Right now I’m back in the next size up jeans and my belly feels as though it’s due for popping! And no I’m not pregnant - I just mean a FOOD baby!

But hey - it’s all been worth it & I’m back on the diet tomorrow!!

Ahem.

We played Yahtzee and some Trivial Pursuit - watched Jool’s Hootnanny (always a requirement for me to really *feeeel* the newyearyness) and basically we were rowdy and boisterous and FAT!

At midnight we saw the new year in with a variety of silly photos and realised that we spent nearly 30 minutes posing for pictures that made us look like idiots… but hey …. isn’t that a normal New Year??

The today - the girls woke up at 7 (oh the goodness) and luckily they played for two hours whilst we dozed and had some husband and wifey time

S stayed till about 1pm and then BN cooked the most amazing New Year’s Day meal. We had roast beef with all the trimmings, and then homemade lemon cheesecake for us and Christmas Pudding for BN - all with crackers and party hats! It really felt as though we’d just had our first Christmas at home… the crackers will do it every time! (Incidentally - really good crackers from Boots.. cool presents in them!)

(the jug is blackcurrent juice wine for the girls!)

This morning, the New Year Fairy had been to visit and left the girls the Peter Pan and Tinkerbell DVD set. Not a tradition that will continue I shouldn’t think but Father Christmas has meant to leave them Tinkerbell for Christmas and somehow it got lost in transit.. The New Year Fairy got wind of this and decided to replace it… those fairies … bless ‘em!

Hope you had a great time whatever you did and that 2009 is a happy, healthy and safe year for all of you!!

**Edited to add - How could I have forgotten to mention that I received a drunken phonecall from The Red Headed Secretary herself at 00:19 wishing me a Happy New Year and rambling something about Karaoke

Made my night!!

A very quick review of my 2008 - I have read a lot of negative things about what kind of year people have had and some for seemingly no reasons… so I thought I should have a quick think and see how many positive things I could come up with… considering I’ve had a fairly crap time with the old craptastic shit house, losing out on my bonus 2 months before I got married, the client that withdrew it’s business at the beginning of the year when they asked for a years contract…the world is in a state and people are being bombed and awfully inhumane things are being done to people all over the world and not just by criminals….

what?

Positive?

Oh yes! Sorry…

Well - for starters I watched my beautiful daughters turn 2 and 4…

I got married to the love of my life in August and I think about that day every day…

I am happy and healthy and that’s a lot that doesn’t need to be worried about…

Everyone I love is currently happy and healthy…

We welcomed two new little babies into our circle of friends this year, Baby Joe to my friend Sara and Baby Oliver Joe to my friend Sarah. (No not the same people!!)…

We got a dream holiday to Egypt for our honeymoon…

My best friend just had quite a serious health scare followed by emergency surgery and she’s on the mend now after spending Christmas in hospital. Very relieved!!

And that seems like a lot to be looking back on in a positive way!

I’m wishing you all a happy and healthy 2009 and hoping you all get everything you wish for in the New Year.

Lots of love from all the Little Nuts!

x

So … as promised… more photos! More CHristmassy bloggamania.. more doolallyness… more kooky facial expressions from me and more present opening.

I am knackered - post Christmas come down and in need of inspiration to stop eating mince pies! I have put on a few lbs and I need to get back on the straight and narrow! If you have any words of wisdom then pass them my way!!!

Nice Christmassy shot of my fillings..! Not. Whoever thought this picture was a good idea needs to be tickled maniacally!

Santa’s been and taken his treats, drunk his juice (he wanted blackcurrent according to Rowan) and had a read of his book…

The girls finding Father Christmas’s footprints…

Bless them!!!! They were testing how big they were

She loved this little thing - a mini Barbie that you can primp and brush. Oh to be four!

Santa’s Chocolate Gifts…

This is Ella giving me what is possibly the cutest little look ever as I explained to her that Santa had left *her* this great big pressie… she didn’t quite believe me..

More cute playing together with some of their new toys…

Looking cuter than cute in her Barbie Tiara from Hannah. She has that same little nose wrinkle that I have… crazy this gene thing.

Tickle Time with Mummy.

My favourite ever Slim photo. It has to be said that Ella’s leg is fortuitously placed directly in front of the stomachular area.. but nonetheless… I look different!! And it’s good!

Mince pie mince pie….

Ahem

My smiley daughter.. Loving the new hair colour I used… very reddy.. like it. Think I need a haircut though!

This is Christmas Eve shenannigans - we went out to look at the lights on the front of the house and the girls were suitably impressed! I think that Ella may be a little excited here…. it was not long after this that we tracked Santa on NORAD and Rowan requested bed… That request didn’t last long though… not when she saw the chocolates on the tree!

Hello!!! Can you tell I love Christmas? Can ya?

Oh! Someone went and pointed a camera at me! This is pretty much how I feel most of the time.. slightly looney and with a touch of demented. It serves me well. Not sure what my kids think … Still loving the red hair though….

Wow!! Look Uncle Rich!! It’s DORAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Rich then asked what it was and Rowan said… ‘I don’t know!!!!!!!’ but with such glee that you had to laugh!

Not quite sure why I’m posting this one on the Internet…. it’s not a good look for me… but it is a good look between the girls.

Turkey cookingness… It was a lovely dinner I have to say. Much more than I could manage myself… cooking I mean… not eating. Eating is fine. I can handle that.

My Mum’s balls.. ahem.

And I shall leave you with this…..  It has nothing to do with Christmas but it just made me giggle